The magic of implementing coaching mindset in everyday Life
Google defines coaching as “Providing guidance, feedback, and direction to ensure successful performance”. But I believe coaching is much simpler than this. I see coaching as a form of supporting someone’s efforts to achieve their personal and professional goals. Do you all remember the last time someone close to you shared their problems with you? Can you recall those exact moments that happened after that? Correct me. If I’m wrong, you started to convince them that it’s not a bigger issue and, on top of that, you started to give possible solutions for their issues. Isn’t it? Don’t get me wrong here! I’m not at all stating that you are wrong in doing so! But, my question to you is, did you ever contact the same person again to inquire whether or not the ongoing problem that they shared with you had been resolved? If not, could you ask them why, in spite of your giving them possible solutions to their problems, it hasn’t worked out for them yet? If so, could you ask them what worked out for them? Is it one of your ideas? Or just a part of it? Or something completely different which they brought out of their intuition?
Just do this simple exercise and you will understand what I am talking about. You will slowly realise that we seem to have answers to everyone else’s problems, but when it comes to us, dealing with our problems, we become numb and have no clear answers at all! Did you ever wonder why?
A few of the possible reasons are:
Since our birth, we human beings are programmed in a default mode to always find solutions to our problems, but instead should know how to handle our thoughts and thought patterns.
b/By default, we are always programmed to focus on the lack (negativity) of our own or others, rather than the abundance (positivity) to which we give little to no weight in our daily lives.
Now, considering what I mentioned above, I can proudly define coaching aptly as,
Coaching is not an issue-resolving concept; it is a top-dealing concept.
In a simpler version, coaching works on the following concept at the surface level.
Our thoughts drive our thoughts, which in turn drives our emotions, which drives our willpower, which in turn gives us the power to make any work successful and to drive us forward.
According to a leading psychiatrist, most of our permanent and temporary thoughts come from one or a combination of the following:
a/our convictions
Our upbringing
Our schooling
d/Our Way of Life
e/Our experience (good and bad, both from the past and present)
One interesting fact is that we always tend to rely on physical forces as human beings, but in reality, what drives us and is most powerful are our “emotions”!
Do you all know what the only difference between thinking and overthinking is? It is the type of questions we ask ourselves. As a person, you tend to ask yourself “why” and “how” questions most of the time, which leads to you thinking with little to no results. As coaches, we only tend to ask you “what” questions, which will provoke your thoughts in the right direction, which will in turn make you look at different possibilities from different perceptions for the same individual topic you have been dealing with for so long! We’ll help you take a 360-degree tour of the issue you’re facing.
A coach’s intention is that we believe any individual with the same mind on this planet is capable enough of finding their own solutions. It is just that we, as individuals, are trained to look at and deal with our issues from only a single perspective most of the time. As human beings, you should never deny your thoughts. You will realise where you are coming from!
Now, let’s focus on learning and listening for a little while. According to the book titled “Adult Learning” by famous authors Kolb, Honey, Mumford, and Peter Senge, we have 4 different types of learning styles, and each one of us has one dominant. One of the styles, and sometimes we follow a combination.
1/Accumulating Learning Style (Feel & Do)
2/Diverging Learning Style (Feel and Watch)
3/Converging learning style (think and do)
4/Assimilating Learning Style (Think and Watch)
As coaches, it is our responsibility to identify which type of learner our client is, and once we identify that, we can make anyone understand anything. Also, focusing on listening, according to the book, Co-active Coaching, by Kimsey House, there are 3 levels of listening.
Level 1-Internal Listening
Level2-Focused on listening
Level 3-Global Listening
Level 1 – Awareness is limited to oneself.Whenever someone says or shares anything, then the attention returns to the meaning of what it means to us personally. Level 1 is all about me, my thoughts, my judgments, my feelings, and my conclusions about myself and others. Only one question remains: what does this mean for me?
Level 2 means that our awareness is totally on the speaker. We listen to their words, their expressions, their emotions, and everything they bring. We notice what they say and how they say it. We notice what they don’t say. We listen to what they value. We try to know what they value. We try to listen to their vision, for the unique way they look at the world.
At level 3, we do level 2 listening plus environmental listening. We notice the temperature, the energy levels, and the lightness or darkness, both literally and figuratively. One example of an excellent level 3 skilled listener is a stand-up comedian. They have the ability to instantly read a room and monitor how it changes in response to what they do. Anyone who is successful at influencing people is skilled at listening at level 3. These types of people have the ability to read their impact and adjust their behaviour accordingly. Now, going back to the initial situation, where your friend or close one is showing some issue they are facing, and how you interpret the same conversation with the type of learner they are and also with listening level 2 or 3, do you think it would make any difference to the speaker’s mindset? What do you think about the impact they are going to have on their minds and souls?
Going by there, we should all keep in mind that, however small an issue might sound to you, for another person it’s like climbing Everest. Always remember that. As coaches, we are trained in many aspects. Two of them are identifying types of learners and posing listening skills levels 2 and 3.
I believe that the single biggest failure of any individual is to treat adaptive challenges like technical problems. Coaching helped me in the following ways:
It showed me my inner mirror. I made myself go through each and every issue I was tending to escape right from the school days and me not being able to face them just for an imaginary worse outcome.
b/Helped me accept the way I am.
c/The attitude of consistent judgement for society and people has begun to fade gradually.
Now I have no insecurities and certainly don’t have the fear of failure anymore. Finally, I’ve put down the sack of bags containing all of my insecurities and fears about my back!
To conclude, it doesn’t matter anymore if I become a successful coach or not in the near future, but the fact that I have identified myself in the truest form and I am technically trained enough to help people find their true selves is the power I am taking away with myself from here on. My next vision is to take the concept of coaching in-between you people. I am The Common Mass and I hope to make you see the beauty of such a simple concept to deal with any situation in life. And that is evoking awareness. The power of coaching and I would make sure you experience coaching once in your life as well!
Although coaching is a fairly new concept in the Indian Diaspora, in the coming years I am sure it will provoke many youngsters and adults to not just experience coaching but also self-provoke them to be ICF (International Coaching Federation) accredited coaches themselves as well.